Guest Blog: Valentine's Day Apart

By Judy Rickard on 02/14/2011 @ 10:13 AM

Judy Rickard, the American half of a binational couple currently separated by discriminatory immigration laws, wrote this Valentine's blog for her partner, Karin. Judy and Karin have also written 'Torn Apart,' a new book chronicling the experiences of LGBT binational families. To order a copy - and support Immigration Equality's work - click here.

One more day we can't be together - where we want to be - but this is Valentine's Day, the day people focus on love and tender thoughts and the day that we consider our anniversary, though we can't marry because America will think you will want to be here with me and overstay your visa.

What a mess - if we had known in 2005 how things would turn out would we have moved forward to be together? I know the answer is yes, but we never knew then what we have learned in the trenches being a same-sex binational couple.

We are a political category now - a same-sex binational couple. And we are fighting for our lives. Can you believe that!

All I wanted to do as we got to know each other was to make sure each date meant I should free myself from fear and open my heart to accept the chance at love again with you…and I did. And I do.

But we faced odds even we didn't realize. Stories of others made my heart sick and made me feel guilty that our problem wasn't as bad as others. Some people have been apart for years. Others have had to move away to be together. Others face deportation. Others had to break up. Others face being separated from their children if they are deported - or relocation to a country none of them know.

How sad on a day that should be only happy. How sad I am having my Valentine's Day date with you on Skype. How sad that we count our blessings together in weeks and months before the visa axe falls again.

I am so glad we have found powerful allies to help us - and they are - but Congressman Mike Honda . . . and Congressman Jerrold Nadler . . . and Senator Patrick Leahy . . . and Senator Chuck Schumer . . . and Senator Robert J. Menendez . . . and author/lobbyist Elizabeth Gilbert . . . and Immigration Equality . . . and Out4Immigration . . . and Love Exiles Foundation can only do so much.

If I could be in President Obama's office right now I would plead with him so we could be together and end this problem for all of us.

If I could be in Secretary Napolitano's office right now I would plead with her, too, so we could be together and end this problem for all of us.

Until we are together physically, honey, I am hugging you virtually and wishing you the LAST Valentine's Day apart from me. We will do what we need to do to stay together, I promise. I have been doing all I can to help fix the problem and I will not stop. You have my word on that…

I love you now more than ever, Karin!

Your beloved Judy.